Reading Is Fundamental

Hey, just for the heck of it, here's a PRO TIP....
The following site can serve as an excellent source for great reading materials to fill your summer list:

http://awfullibrarybooks.info


Seriously. Check out this little gem of an archive for hours of entertainment and education. You can't go wrong with this collection of fantastic entries to 80s and 90s public school libraries. Let's check out a few examples of the kinds of literature that I really do distinctly remember from my own elementary school "media center" back in the day....


Ah, nothing like a good instructional book to keep you up to date on the latest pop culture trends. I recommend this book to all folks looking to have fun, cut a rug, AND be "groovy."

Wait. Was "groovy" the right word to use by the time the disco era arrived???

Eh, who cares? Not even I am that old. Let's move on....


Yes, this important and groundbreaking novel is actually a good representation of approximately 50 percent of all the dreams I have.

...Or, are they more like "nightmares"? It depends on your interpretation, I guess. I mean, this book could either be about the sexual harassment of flight attendants, OR it could be about one woman's courageous battle against an army of marauding, airborne dildos. Take your pick (at least I know how I read into it).

Anyway....


Hey, look -- it's ME when I was a kid...only my name wasn't Jake Drake, and I never had a teacher that hot. Oh, and clever placement of a bar code (no doubt intentional, on the part of an enterprising and very bored librarian) makes the description here all the more apt. Five stars, kudos, and huzzah!

OK, what's next?


Oh man, this one brings back memories...specifically, of the most awkward conversation I ever had with my dad: when he tried to tell me about the birds and the bees. I was about 13, and he cornered me. Couldn't be avoided. Really, I must admit now, after years of therapy, that the fact he was shouting the whole time while pointing his finger in my face really wasn't helpful at all.

...UNlike this image from a straight-talking book on eating disorders:


You know, to be honest, this chick really doesn't LOOK like she's bulimic.

But, hey -- at least she has good taste in music, right? Besides, what we can't see here are the dozens of jars of vomit she's got stacked on the floor just out of frame (I cropped them out, for the sake of decency). We can laugh at her all we want, but I tell you, this girl was COMMITTED to her cause.

Either way, the publication from which that particular image was taken was a valuable read, no doubt about it. I bet it helped many a wayward and confused 80s teenage girl. So stop smirking, you insensitive jerks.

What's next?


Holy crap. This one raises a variety of questions. I mean, look at the title! What duck shack? Hey (going even deeper), can you describe, please, what was contained in its corresponding agreement?? And, um, WHO WAS INVOLVED???

Oh yeah, by the way...not to nitpick here, but...WHAT IS A DUCK SHACK?!?

I've got to get my hands on this novel, as I am simply creeped out by the whole, darn, mysterious concept.

Ahem.....


Hey, hey -- shortly after we saw the childhood Andrew, we get to see a pretty darn accurate (in fact, 100 percent accurate) representation of Yours Truly TODAY.

Cool! I'd definitely read that one.

Moving on....


OK, now this here is a book I'm sure many of us bloggers could really use. Why in the world did it ever go out of print?

Four more entries to go:


Man, this is a heartbreaking one. That poor child feels like an outcast just because of a silly difference in physical appearance??? So sad. Someone ought to tell him that being black in an all-white neighborhood is NOTHING be ashamed of.

...Although he really shouldn't be throwing fruit around like that. It's reckless, and I disapprove. What if he hits the wheelchair chick with his apple, and she crashes into a telephone pole, or something? I dunno. I mean, hey -- it could happen!

However, I should ALSO point out that she's taking up entirely too much space on the sidewalk, rudely forcing the black kid to walk on the grass, which very well might amount to trespassing in some communities. Unfair on many levels here, really. Let's face it -- ALL of these people are jerks.

Next!


Exactly what the nation's school libraries need: a hard-hitting, unauthorized book about supergroup Hanson. I can only imagine the important information contained within its pages.

You know, I must admit, I could never decide which one was cooler -- the girl on the left, or the girl in the middle. But, anyway....

What's on deck?


EUREKA!!! This is precisely the book I've been looking for all these years. Heck, I've asked friends and family to get me something like this for Christmas over and over again, with no luck. I mean, I realize that I am not a Canadian secretary, but I have always wished I could be one. The problem, of course, is that I was never able to locate the appropriate literature to teach me HOW to make that difficult transition. Ironic how the one thing I've always wanted would turn up on a random website like that.

OK. Let's move on to our closer for the day.

For the win....


Hey, remember earlier in this post when I identified one entry as a good representation of 50 percent of my dreams??? Well, this one, oddly enough, actually represents THE OTHER 50 percent. I dunno if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.

Anyway, the point is that http://awfullibrarybooks.info is one darn funny website, with TONS of such enlightening entries. As my pal David Wong said, there are some real gems to be found there. Oh and, needless to say, all of the book covers I posted here came directly from that site.

I'll be back in the coming days with a review of a heartwarming film about...well...a guy being tortured.

Have a fine day.

b.