We Asked For Mojo Nixon. They Said, "HE DON'T WORK HERE!"

All, right friends....
Lately, I have been enamored, transfixed, by this masterpiece of musical video art. It comes from the warped mind of punk-hillbilly hero Mojo Nixon, and perhaps some of you 80s teens remember it. Yes, I'm talking about Mojo's "Debbie Gibson is Pregnant with My Two Headed Love Child."


What an inspired, hilarious spectacle. It's a shining example of all that I consider fine art.

Folks, here we have circa 1987 Mojo Nixon blasting Rick Astley as a pantywaist ("Shoved my butt in his face!"); Winona Ryder eating a cheeseburger while giving birth to a mutant; and Debbie Gibson wrestling in Jello with Tiffany. Indeed, this dark exercise in poetry has something for everyone.

Seems old Mojo met Winona Ryder on the set of Great Balls of Fire, in which he portrayed the drummer of Jerry Lee Lewis. From there, creativity of historic proportions was born.

Indeed, Winona agreed to play Debbie Gibson in Mojo's latest project, and BOOM -- the world was given a video that I simply CANNOT stop watching over and over and over again.


This is, hands own, Winona Ryder's best work...and possibly Mojo Nixon's best work, as well. Hell, I think this one ranks up there with the likes of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" as the Greatest Video of All-Time.

Winona Ryder is actually on record as saying her performance in Debbie Gibson is Pregnant with My Two Headed Love Child is her personal favorite ever. Winona, baby, this makes me gain SOOOO much respect for you. You show genuine joy and spunk in this classy little diversion. THIS, Winona, is where you prove your real talent, and THIS is what shows your genuine SOUL, darlin'!


But, why, exactly, am I so fascinated by this random music video? I guess it's just that the dang thing is so much FUN. Man, our pal Mojo really goes for it here -- blasting 80s pop culture figures by the butt load. We've got Astley, Tiffany, Joan Collins, Debbie G., and even Spuds McKenzie. Remember him??? --You know -- the dog from Budweiser commercials in the 1980s with whom (some very twisted) swimsuit models apparently wanted to have sex (c'mon, watch the ads yourself; you'll see what I mean). Yes indeed, Spuds McKenzie pops up in this madcap opus right here.

WATCH IT!!! Does it make you feel as ALIVE as it does me???


So, yeah -- I've been a bit into the great Mojo Nixon lately. I kind of wish I had been a teenager in the 80s, just so I could have been a weird freak type who dug music like Devo, The Sex Pistols, and yes, Mojo Nixon. I would have been an awesome 80s teen. Instead, I got the 90s, which I guess, was a pretty good alternative, all things considered....


And speaking of high school, here's my OTHER favorite Mojo video, in which he plays the Spirit of Rock N Roll in the horrible/awesome 1991 flick, Rock N Roll High School Forever.

(Rootin' tootin; Ain't high-falootin'.)

Anyway, this brings me to the first QUESTION OF THE WEEK over here at Who Wants Taters??? (a new feature):

Here goes....

What do YOU think are the greatest music videos of all-time??? Lemme know in the comments section. Nominate as many as you want. I want to know more about you folks!

Here's four more from me (yes, the stills are all clickable, external links):

PEARL JAM -- Jeremy:

(Sends chills down my spine every time.)

GARBAGE -- Only Happy When it Rains.

(Gratuitous upskirt of the hottest woman in music EVER, thanks to me. You're welcome.)

NIRVANA -- In Bloom:

(Shows the band's often-overlooked humorous side.)

GARBAGE -- Bleed Like Me:

(Yeah, whatever -- another one from Garbage. Brilliant song; brilliant video; sexy lady.)

Good stuff right there, if I may say so myself. Again, any suggestion from YOU folks???

And, on the opposite end of the awesomeness spectrum, here's a movie about a small town girl who likes to kill people. SURPRISE -- it's a disappointment.

Chainsaw Sally (2004)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0385592/


Netflix description:
Sally (April Monique Burril) is a mild-mannered librarian by day, but when the sun goes down, she acts out her gruesome fantasies of revenge for the brutal slayings of her parents years before. And when a shady land developer shows up wanting to buy Sally's childhood home, he becomes the next target of Sally's gory chainsaw rage. Written and directed by Jimmyo Burril, this delightful splatter fest also features Alec Joseph and David R. Calhoun.

Sigh....

Chainsaw Sally is one of those movies that makes me wish I had pursued film as a career, if anything to show others how it's SUPPOSED to be done. Seriously -- this incredibly promising premise drops the ball in some tragic ways, friends.

I mean, think about it -- a shy, small town librarian acts out violent fantasies by night WITH A CHAINSAW. That's awesome! Chainsaw Sally ought to be a slam dunk, right???

WRONG. I'm sad to report that this flick turns out to be one of them shot-on-high-school-AV-club-caliber-equipment, God AWFULLY acted, low-rent, porn production-level, pieces of sub-Troma level crap. Man, did this one let me down....

Chainsaw Sally is a genuine missed opportunity.


Yeah, this movie is pretty low-end tripe. Sure, it follows the fairly OK plot I just outlined above: Sally is a shy girl who has an axe to grind with pretty much the entire world because she witnessed the brutal murder of her parents as a child. She works at the local library, and is apparently viewed by the townsfolk as thoroughly harmless...although I, for one, wouldn't have been fooled by her for a SECOND, as she looks more to me like a porn actress in lensless glasses and a woolen smock bought at Halloween USA than a sweet librarian. I mean, REALLY -- this chick (April Monique Burril) simply does not fit the part, and frankly, ain't all that great of an actress, anyway. For the sake of effectiveness, I totally would have picked another performer -- someone pretty, and capable of looking totally innocent ("girl next door" like) one minute, while sadistically sawing the head of a neighbor off the next. This film's failure to go with someone like that is big mistake NUMBER ONE.

But, even beyond that, it's just not very good.

See, Sally lives with some kind of punk rock boyfriend who gets off on watching her murderize people in their psychotic madhouse of a love den. By day, however, she hangs out at the library (which looks curiously like a totally unrelated office space with a few dictionary-covered card tables thrown into frame and a world map tacked on the wall next to a sign that says, "LIBRARY"), urging patrons to "shush" whenever they so much as squeak their sneakers on the floor. If any one of them fails to comply, Sally may just follow him/her into the restroom with a pair of scissors, and well...you know the drill.


Anyway, things REALLY get rolling here when some hot shot playboy millionaire moves into town with plans to buy the old house in which Sally grew up. He wants to sell it for a strip mall or something (I dunno), and she doesn't approve of that. One thing leads to another, and pretty soon, Sally's nighttime rampages become more targeted. She definitely does NOT want that old abandoned home to sell, and eventually, the girl goes straight after the developer himself. WILL Sally manage to preserve her childhood home? CAN our heroic developer survive her homicidal pursuits?? WHY don't the local authorities consider it suspicious that AT LEAST one resident per night seems to disappear or be found decapitated out in the woods???


Look, this movie is just plain too c-h-e-a-p to be any good...although I must say that it HAS inspired me somewhat. Indeed -- it's got me, the old Drewmeister, wishing I could collect a digital video camera, a group of 25 or so friends and volunteers, and maybe...let's say...12 grand (?) so that I could do a more competent remake. Friends, an idea this good cannot be allowed to remain wasted on such nonsense as Chainsaw Sally!

I propose MY OWN movie, called Chainsaw Suzy. It'd be basically the same thing, but changed JUUUUST ENOUGH so as to avoid lawsuits....

GONE would be the horrendous acting and casting, as I'd get someone appropriate for at least the title role...GONE would be the cutting away every time Sally hits a victim with her saw, as I'd throw buckets and buckets of blood and raw meat into every attack shot...GONE would be an unnecessary subplot about the developer and some stupid abandoned house, as I'd replace him (and it) with a simple Suzy-has-a-sexually-abusive-dad element (and, yes -- you can bet he'd die in the film's final scene)...and GONE would be the amateurish shaky camera operation, unrealistic dialogue, and lame semi-gay boyfriend deal.

Friends, Chainsaw Suzy would be WAAAAY better than Chainsaw Sally. --You can bet your franks and beans on that!


As reality stands, however, this film is little more than an ultra low-budget exercise in piss poor planning and bad execution. Sure, it kept my attention for the full 83 minutes, but that was mostly because I was plotting ways to improve it the whole time I was watching, rather than enjoying the ride.

If you're looking for an utter waste of time that fulfills the need to see cheap crap that BARELY manages to entertain, then I guess I'd advise you to give Chainsaw Sally a whirl. Otherwise, you ain't missin' nothin'.

2 out of 5.

b.